Sit back and relax with your glass of whiskey, medium rare steak and a good old fashioned cigar - let me take you on a journey you silky bearded man. Lets find you a movie. One which is fitting for a gentleman of your calibre and good taste.
Lets be honest, finding a good manly movie isn't the easiest thing in the world. There's too much crap to choose from and not enough of a filter to always figure out what's good. Well, I'm here to help. Here's a list of some of the most, meanest, baddest, no hugging, action smoking movies ever made.
It would be rude not to add this one as first on the list. The Godfather is as great as everyone says it is. In fact It's probably better. Women just can't seem to understand this movie, or 'get' it and do you know why? Because they're not men! This is a mans movie my brothers - It always will be. Pacino and De Niro belong to us, as fellow men, we have that god given right to claim them!
What's a good old fashioned man movie without a few explosions and a bank heist? Let me tell you. A pretty crappy one. Again we have De Niro and Pacino leading the way as the leaders of men, Heat is a movie every man loves. Women, if you can't stand the Heat...get back to the kitchen and make us a manwich.
Lets add a bit of sophistication to the list, throw in a little bit of James Bond. Sure, I guess a real mans man is someone who's good with the ladies but more than that they know how to handle a weapon and kick some serious ass, well, Mr. Bond can do all of that and is quite the dab hand at a bit of Poker too. Sure, Daniel Craig is a bit rough around the edges and isn't really as suave and debonair as Sean Connery, but he doesn't do too bad either. Casino Royale and a Bond day should definitely be on the cards for you gentlemen.
Now for a bit of grit and vigilante justice. Harry Brown delivers on all angles. He's a retired old serviceman, all he wants is a bit of piece and bloody quiet and a group of hooligans go and kill his best friend. What a stupid thing to do. Harry isn't the type of man to let that sort of thing to unpunished. A few chavs are due for a bit of a kicking. Harry delivers. Head-butts all round.
John McClaine is the every man. All men can see a bit of McClaine in themselves. They just wish they could pull it off as cool as he can. Die Hard is a movie that doesn't need an introduction. When you were born, I'm sure your Dad waited until you were around 6 or something, pulled out his dusty old box and whipped out a tape of Die Hard, gave it to you and said here son, this is for you. This is your Bible, learn from it well and one day you will be John McClaine (I'm sure that never happened, but it should).
Men love robots, Sci-Fi and Westerns. It's programmed into our DNA, we can't avoid it. It is just us. If there's any women reading this, I want to say first of all hello. Second of all, if It's your guys birthday coming up, get him The Terminator on DVD, he'll look at it, look at you and think you complete him. Thank me later, doll.
John Wayne is the epitome of a man. Cool, calm, collected and can whoop some serious ass. This is probably the only John Wayne movie where he doens't wear cowboy hat, Sands of Iwo Jima is for a mans man, a real man. Set in World War II you know this movie was made just for you. See Wayne in one of his finest roles and take notes, he might level up your man game.
Nothing gets more manly in a movie than Conan. Yes. Conan! You know Conan... No not that ginger fella from TV, the other Conan, the more mythical one who doesn't ever wear a t-shirt, the one who constantly carries around a 4ft sword swinging it around at bad guys, yeah that one! Well Conan the Barbarian is a movie that makes you want to just get up out of your chair and go make yourself a nice steak, sit down and follow it up with some press ups. I think we all wish we could be a Barbarian, alas it just wasn't meant to be.
Mission Impossible? You know if Tom Cruise is on the case it becomes Mission possible. Tom Cruise doesn't care about impossible missions, he just cares about whooping ass, being a really cool spy and getting the girl (like any man should be). Mission Impossible is a movie with explosions, secret espionage and some kick-ass action. I think the whole array of Mission Impossible movies are brilliant, even y'know that John Woo one where they fly off their motorbikes and meet midair firing bullets at each other.
We know this movie isn't ever going to win any best acting of the year award or most intricate plot line of all time. However what it does offer is an array of awesome action stars, high testosterone and a manly movie that would make the greatest of beards quiver in fear, it also has loads of explosions and some serious whoop ass, why would anyone want anything more? Fools, I tell you. If you're a fan of Stallone, Schwarzenegger, Willis, Statham, Jet-Li and Dolph Lundgren then how could you not enjoy this movie?
Rocky Balboa is someone we can all relate to, it's a true underdog story, everyone likes an underdog story! The great thing about Rocky is that he's never the best at what he does but he has heart, he has the spirit to never give up! It's inspiring for us men. It's as close as we will ever get to shedding a tear in our big manly eyes. Plus if Eye of the Tiger ever plays in a pub or bar you can't help but want to sing along in a drunken yobbish state.
Mullets at the ready gentlemen, this was before Mel Gibson turned y'know ...crazy. This was the day when he was funny and bad ass. Him and Danny Glover made quite the team, It's a brilliant bromance that you can't help but root for!
Everyone once in a while likes to wear a suit with sunglasses, I guess sometimes It looks a little douchey, the Reservoir Dogs seem to pull it off okay. Tarantino's masterpiece, in my opinion his finest work. Another who's who of Hollywood, with a brilliant script and some really iconic roles. Reservoir Dogs has a simple plot line. A Jewellery heist goes wrong, the criminals begin to suspect one of them is a snitch. Uh-oh. Reservoir Dogs is a classic manly movie that gets better each watch.
Love is for wimps right? Well, Christian Slater says It's ok, so I guess I believe him. True Romance is one of those iconic movies that you have to check out at least once in your life, most likely after you watch it you will add it to your top 10 list - It's just filled with everything awesome, a great storyline a brilliant soundtrack and brilliant performances from Slater, Arquette and Walken.